Observer of Life

I’m almost 25 years of age. During all those years, I’ve been a quiet person, but I wasn’t blind to things. I have observed and analyzed all kinds of different situations and planned the best way to tackle those situations when I would have to face them. I think that when you observe, you learn many important things that you can pass on to other people. I mean~ that is how it is with old people. They are considered wiser because they have experienced “life”. I challenge you guys to become an observer of your life and the life around you.

“Be an Observer of Life.
Gaining wisdom from carefully observing life
is not a substitute for action -
it is a prerequisite for informed action.”
- jlh

Earthquake story

So I was in Panera Bread studying when the earthquake happened. I didn't notice it... My cousin texted me saying that there was a small earthquake at Downingtown and then gchat statuses were filled with the word "earthquake". I thought really hard if I actually felt it and come to think of it... I did. I was sitting on this chair and then I felt someone rocking my chair. I thought it was a rude little kid rocking it. I turned around and saw no one... there was no one even around me. I literally then thought that it was a ghost shaking my chair... Because it was day time, I didn't really care about a ghost. So... I did feel it....

STOP NOW!

Whatever you might be doing that is frustrating you, STOP! Step back, pause and reflect on the true importance of the task. Meditate and observe and DO a better way in reaching your goal, if there is one. If not, don't stop until completion... or don't do it at all. :)

Returning Applicant.... crap...

Here I am.. in my house, in this big room where I’ve been studying for some time now… feeling like a prison. And then…

Wow… just reopened my pharmacy application process online and immediately my heart started racing.

A lot of things just swept through my mind… First I noticed that all my references letters are gone, which means that I have to ask for them again.. Also the thought of studying for the PCATs again and making a good personal statement letter pressed more burden and stress on my heart… like A LOT.

Wow… Now I’m hungry.

But times like this, I am glad to have people that I know that can encourage and cheer me on. A random Upenn student gave me a text this morning saying good luck. (well not random… it was random that he remembered and texted me..) I’m glad to have my mom for support and comfort. I’m also glad that I shared this stress to that Upenn student, Chris Lai.

Times like this, the people that I consider, as friends should not feel like the way I am alone. So I’ll try to get into many people’s business so that one day I can be like Chris Lai and overcome this feeling of stress and hardship.

Life Happens

Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions.
All life is an experiment.
The more experiments you make the better.
What if they are a little coarse,
and you may get your coat soiled or torn?
What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled
in the dirt once or twice.
Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Failing

Growing up I didn’t have any idea of what I wanted to become. Life for me was something that I had to go through everyday ever since middle school. But strangely, coming into college, I aspired to become someone that will make a lot of money and support my mom and also make my whole family proud of me. But living in this debt-owing country, I am seeing that my dreams to make a lot of money is just a wishful dream. With this mentality, I’m seeing/believing myself turning into a failure and feeling sorry for my mom that I’m her failing son.

I told this to my mom once… she stopped her Korean drama, faced me with a serious face, and said, “I do not want you to give up because you’re failing. You must understand that there is a difference between ‘failing,’ which is something happens to everyone every day, and ‘being a failure,’ which is something that people think that no one should ever believe.”

Do you guys see yourself as “being a failure” and blaming it on others or being someone who takes a “failing” as a stepping stone to improve yourself?

My favorite quote is “don’t worry~ be happy~”; which I got from some commercial when I was young. Unfortunately, this quote is half flawed. “don’t worry~” is something that I do not agree upon. You should have some worries so that you take life seriously and better yourself through trial and errors of life, but I believe everyone should have a happy outlook on himself or herself and the failings to change oneself with a positive attitude.

Just know that with God, your true self, a spiritual being, is always perfect. ;)

Walls are closing in...

I am right now in a tough situation… My mind is going crazy and confused on what to do…

Ever since college started, my parents told me to go into the science field. The last term in college, my mom told me to forget about graduate school and go directly into pharmacy school. So for one whole year, I took classes at a local community college to complete few pre-requisites and then I applied. I didn’t get in…

Sigh…

Denzel Washington has once said to the Upenn’s 2011 graduation students that you will fail and fall, but when you do fall, fall forward into a direction of your goal. If I fall, fall forward towards the goal. Someone told me that even when I’m afraid or unsure, choose to move in a direction of my goal. Whenever I fall, stand up, brush myself off, and keep moving. So now, I registered for pharmacy technician certificate exam, which is September 1 of this year, to better my chances of getting in next year. I didn’t get in for 2011 pharmacy school, but that me falling forward, standing up and keep moving.

BUT now, my mom is wanting me to work at the carwash. The carwash requires an extreme amount of physical labor and its taxing my mom’s body. As her son, I cannot see my mom over exerting herself, then come back home dead tired. She talks about pain over her shoulder… as her son, what is the best action to take in this situation? I go and help her. I told her about this exam before, but even so, it doesn’t seem like … doesn’t seem like she understands the gravity of my situation for this exam. I’m not prepared, there are more information that I didn’t cover and it’s soon. … She keeps asking me to work there. She knows I’m very good with people and she knows I’m attracting more costumers… but what about my exam … but what about my future?

I asked if she can find someone to help out instead of me. She said she can find someone but I do not think she can find someone she can trust to take over the cashier. Everyone steals these days… So this is one side of the wall closing in on me. The other wall is my dad.

I had a fight with my dad last week. He has a very different view for my path and disagrees with the way my mom wants me to go. He told me to study and stop working at the carwash. I told him about mom and her struggles to continue her work there. He told me to stop worrying about adult problems and worry about you. It’s true that for a business person mindset I have, I usually do not care about people. I must see a benefit for me to invest my time and energy on something or someone… But this is my mother.

I feel so stuck right now… I feel like the two walls are closing in and I don’t know what to do… fail the exam and work at the carwash… dissatisfy my father’s standards and my chance to live a life where I can be proud of what I can become through hard-work or become someone who works at a carwash working almost 11 hours every day; except snowy and rainy days.