Walls are closing in...

I am right now in a tough situation… My mind is going crazy and confused on what to do…

Ever since college started, my parents told me to go into the science field. The last term in college, my mom told me to forget about graduate school and go directly into pharmacy school. So for one whole year, I took classes at a local community college to complete few pre-requisites and then I applied. I didn’t get in…

Sigh…

Denzel Washington has once said to the Upenn’s 2011 graduation students that you will fail and fall, but when you do fall, fall forward into a direction of your goal. If I fall, fall forward towards the goal. Someone told me that even when I’m afraid or unsure, choose to move in a direction of my goal. Whenever I fall, stand up, brush myself off, and keep moving. So now, I registered for pharmacy technician certificate exam, which is September 1 of this year, to better my chances of getting in next year. I didn’t get in for 2011 pharmacy school, but that me falling forward, standing up and keep moving.

BUT now, my mom is wanting me to work at the carwash. The carwash requires an extreme amount of physical labor and its taxing my mom’s body. As her son, I cannot see my mom over exerting herself, then come back home dead tired. She talks about pain over her shoulder… as her son, what is the best action to take in this situation? I go and help her. I told her about this exam before, but even so, it doesn’t seem like … doesn’t seem like she understands the gravity of my situation for this exam. I’m not prepared, there are more information that I didn’t cover and it’s soon. … She keeps asking me to work there. She knows I’m very good with people and she knows I’m attracting more costumers… but what about my exam … but what about my future?

I asked if she can find someone to help out instead of me. She said she can find someone but I do not think she can find someone she can trust to take over the cashier. Everyone steals these days… So this is one side of the wall closing in on me. The other wall is my dad.

I had a fight with my dad last week. He has a very different view for my path and disagrees with the way my mom wants me to go. He told me to study and stop working at the carwash. I told him about mom and her struggles to continue her work there. He told me to stop worrying about adult problems and worry about you. It’s true that for a business person mindset I have, I usually do not care about people. I must see a benefit for me to invest my time and energy on something or someone… But this is my mother.

I feel so stuck right now… I feel like the two walls are closing in and I don’t know what to do… fail the exam and work at the carwash… dissatisfy my father’s standards and my chance to live a life where I can be proud of what I can become through hard-work or become someone who works at a carwash working almost 11 hours every day; except snowy and rainy days.